KNOW YOUR ROLE

This is the third part of the three-part series, you can find the first and second part here and here. It is not enough to just get married because one feels it’s time or he or she is the ‘right age’. The single season of every individual is first and foremost to equip ourselves with the right knowledge and also train and develop ourselves for the role ahead. In other to avoid getting frustrated and derailing from the God ordained roles, both husband and wife must give priority to the biblical instruction of their roles. The Holy spirit revealed to me these specific roles and scriptural backing to guide me with my personal development in preparation for my home and also in my life partner decision making process. I am glad to share them with you and I pray the Holy spirit will lead us into deeper understanding, Amen.
The Role of a Godly Man in the Home
Leader The first role of a husband in the home is being a leader, that is having a healthy control of both his life and his home and also being able to influence the home with the knowledge of the word of God.

Ephesians 5 vs 21-24 says “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything”. As the head of the home the husband is the role model to the wife and to the church because the instruction is to be Christ like in all his ways as Christ is the role model for the husband. True leadership can be found in stewardship that is exercising authority, not being a dictator but living an exemplary life of godliness, love, responsibility, confidence, dignity, humility, accountability and good management and in all bringing glory to God. The role of the husband gives him the influence that will lead him to being a provider and a protector.
Provider and Protector
Ephesians 5 vs 25Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting.
1 Timothy 5:8Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.The scriptures have shown that the man as the leader has the responsibility to provide the needs of the family as the breadwinner, the basic needs of shelter, food, clothing etc, the spiritual needs as the priest and spiritual leader over the wife and the physical needs in terms of her wellbeing, love, care, understanding because Christ first loved us and this is the role model of the man.
1 Peter 3:7“Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers” The scripture doesn’t tell us that women are less or inferior to men instead God has made men different physically and in their strength for their role and this must be managed with grace, furthermore the women aren’t just made to serve the men but to be helpers and for both parties to complement each other in the way God has intended for it to be.

A godly husband must seek to protect his wife physically, emotionally, spiritually, sexually etc. All the Christ like qualities that the husband shows is the assurance the wife needs to feel safe and protected in the home. We must not overlook the part of the scripture that says if the man doesn’t carry out his responsibilities his prayers would be hindered, some will see this as a threat but I see it as the level of importance God has placed on the woman.
The Role of a Godly Woman in the Home
Helper Genesis 2 vs 18 And the Lord God said, it is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help meet for him.God has placed a demand on the wives to be her husband’s helper and in other to do this effectively the wife must understand the leadership of her husband according to scriptures. The wives have been given the power to help the man fulfill his God given duties as a husband, even though the woman’s primary focus is on the home, this strength and power is also for her to be the best version of herself as an individual, a wife and a mother.
Titus 2:3-5Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.

Encourager and ComfortProverbs 31 vs 12, 26She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. She speaks with wisdom and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
Genesis 24 vs 67And Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah’s tent, and took Rebekah, and she After the servant told Isaac the whole story of the trip, Isaac took Rebekah into the tent of his mother Sarah. He married Rebekah and she became his wife and he loved her. So Isaac found comfort after his mother’s death.God has given the wife tremendous power, strength and wisdom for herself and more importantly to build her home and voluntarily submit to the God ordained loving leadership of her husband.
Every husband wants a wife that respects him but also can be there to comfort him, cheer him up, satisfy his sexual needs (according to scriptures, this is to protect him from temptation to have a sexual affair and for the woman to be guided against things that might lead her to be attracted to another man), making him feel needed and heard because these are some of the things that will help him carry out his assignment effectively which is to the advantage of the wife and the home in general. God’s intention for marriage is for the union between a man and a woman to model the relationship between Christ and the church and only then can the marriage be fruitful and prosper.
Thank you for reading.I hope you have been blessed by the series.

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HEALTHY NAILS: DEFICIENCIES AND NUTRITION

I have found over time that most people pay close attention to their body, skin, hair etc. and some how neglect or pay less attention to their nails. Studies have shown that the nails can tell a lot about our health and nutritional needs because the nail tissues are constantly renewed and any change in shape or appearance could be related to your health. Some of the nail challenges like brittle nails, infections and diseases that affect some people could easily be prevented or treated much quicker, there are deliberate steps to take if you want strong and healthy nails, some of which we are already doing unconsciouslyNutrition plays a key role in our general health and wellbeing, it is important to narrow down these foods and vitamins so as to be more conscious of their intake.
Nutritional deficiencies · Iron Deficiency Nails that are thin, cracked and have a spoon like shape, excessive discoloration or pale fingernails. Other causes of this condition include trauma to the nails, excessive contact with solvents like detergent, radiation and chemotherapy, anemia which also a possible cause is attributed to low levels of iron in the body.What to eatIron can be gotten through animal based foods and plant based food. Animal-based foods such as poultry, pork, red meat , seafood, calcium rich foods (broccoli, cheese, yogurt) etc. Plant-based foods include apricots, beans, raisins, dark green leafy vegetables (kale, spinach), peas, lentils etc.
· Zinc DeficiencyNails with white patches under the nails or white spots on the nail bed, horizontal lines or bands on the nails. Other causes include deficiency in calcium and B Vitamin, excessive nail biting, nail injuries and side effect of some drugs can cause this deficiency. What to eatEggs, dairy products, meat, whole grains, dark leafy vegetables, seeds etc.

Biotin Deficiency Nails that are extremely brittle which causes nail breakage and crumbling as known as eggshell nails, nails that split and ridging nails. There are several causes which include injury or trauma to the nails, malnutrition most especially the deficiency of biotin which part of the B vitamin family, low calcium level, aging which is very common with older people because of the low cell turnover. What to eatFresh vegetables, fruits, saltwater fish, fish liver oil, avocado, beef liver, cereals, pork, whole grains etc.
Vitamin C DeficiencyNails with thin red, brown or black lines running through the length of the nails. Not all cases of this effect is cause by nutrient deficiency other causes include external trauma or injury to the small blood vessels that are under the nail bed. What to eatTomatoes, white and sweet potatoes, citrus fruits, spinach, broccoli etc.
SupplementsThere are also a lot of nutritional supplements that help provide several nutrients and minerals which serve as an addition to your diet. These supplements are not substitutes for the fresh foods, they are only advised to be used to complement our balanced diet for nutritional and physiological benefits, examples include vitamins, biotin, folic acid supplements etc.
Disclaimer: Please note that I am not claiming to be Medical doctor and I am not offering any medical prescriptions. All I have written and recommended here are from my experience as a Professional Nail Technician and things that have worked for my clients that have sort medical help. Please check with your doctor and nutritionist before using any supplements or drastically changing your diet.
Disclaimer: Please note that I am not claiming to be Medical doctor and I am not offering any medical prescriptions. All I have written and recommended here are from my experience and research as a Professional Nail Technician with over 8 years work experience and things that have worked for my clients that have sort medical help. Please check with your doctor and nutritionist before using any supplements or drastically changing your diet. Thank you.

I hope this helps you in achieving strong and healthy nails. Thank you for reading.

WHILE WATING SERIES: PROMISES OF GOD

In everyone’s life there is always a waiting period for a next phase, sometimes it is short and sometimes it becomes a long wait. Whatever the wait is for whether academics, career, marriage, child birth etc. These scriptures will help uphold and energize your faith.
This season for me is the life partner waiting season so some of the notes are a reflection of that but the word of God is applicable to all situations. I wrote extensively about Intentionally waiting and defining where you stand with your relationship here and here, with this perspective, the word of God becomes clearer and easy to follow.

Matthew 6 vs 33-34 puts one’s life into perspective as a born again Christian. He will attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and how he works fuss over these things, but you know God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. These scriptures have been my pillar and I know this will bless a lot of men and women out there.
Jeremiah 29:11I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out- plans to take care of you, not to abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.
Note- This is basically my “ASSURANCE”, I can rest with this knowledge knowing I am well taken care of and I am not alone.
Ephesians 2: 7-10Now God has us where he wants us, with all the time in this world and the next to shower grace and kindness upon us in Christ Jesus. Saving is all his idea, and all his work. All we do is trust him enough to let him do it. It’s God’s gift from start to finish! We don’t play the major role. If we did, we’d probably go around bragging that we’d done the whole thing! No, we neither make nor save ourselves. God does both the making and saving. He creates each of us by Christ Jesus to join him in the work he does, the good work he has gotten ready for us to do, work we had better be doing.
Note- This scripture gave me a perspective to why I was truly saved and what I’m actually called to do even beyond my waiting but more importantly this season of my life.
1 Corinthians 13: 4-8Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have. Love doesn’t strut, Doesn’t have a swelled head, Doesn’t force itself on others, Isn’t always “me first,” Doesn’t fly off the handle, Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others, Doesn’t revel when others grovel, Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, Puts up with anything, Trusts God always, Always looks for the best, Never looks back, But keeps going to the end, Love never dies.
Note- My definition of love which is God’s definition is what shapes what I demand and what I’m expected to give both in my everyday life as a born again Christian and in my life partner. Our definition must come from the same source so we can agree.
Matthew 28: 19-20Go out and train everyone you meet, far and near in this way of life, marking them by baptism in the threefold name: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Then instruct them in the practice of all I have commanded you, I’ll be with you as you do this, day after day after day, right up to the end of the age.
Note- As children of God it is our duty to do the work of God, at the beginning of this wait without any distraction I was able to focus and put all my energy into serving God and doing His will, more because it is an instruction.
Ephesians 2: 8-9Saving is all his idea, and all his work. All we do is trust him enough to let him do it. It’s God’s gift from start to finish! We don’t play the major role. If we did we’d probably go around bragging that we’d done the whole thing! No, we neither make nor save ourselves.
Note- Like all these scriptures this one came timely when my faith was tried and God was telling me I don’t play a role in the making of His plans for me.
Josh 1:9 Haven’t I commanded you? Strength! Courage! Don’t be timid; don’t get discouraged. God, your God, is with you every step you take.
Note- One of my wake up call and assurance scriptures.
James 1: 2-3Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows it’s true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed not deficient in any way.
Note- This opened my eyes that even in tough situations I must first look deep for the possible lessons the Holy Spirit is trying to teach me before going into panic mode or depression or soliciting for help. Every experience is either a blessing or a lesson.
Romans 8:31So, what do you think? With God on our side like this, how can we lose? If God didn’t hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own Son, is there anything else he wouldn’t gladly and freely do for us.
Note- The ultimate sacrifice has proven to me that all my wants no matter how humanly impossible it seems is available to me with God.
Philippians 4: 6-7Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down, it’s wonderful what happened when Christ displaces worry at the centre of your life.
Note- The word of God is always timely and has a purpose, this scripture always puts me at peace and gives me direction every time.
1 Corinthians 6: 19-20Didn’t you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place pf the Holy Spirit? Don’t you see that you can’t live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for? The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you. God owns the whole works. So let people see of in and through your body.
Note– Knowing that my service and obedience to God isn’t just in kingdom stewardship but also with my body gave me a sense of responsibility and commitment to God, prioritizing my purity both mind and body.
1 Corinthians 10 vs 13No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.
Note– I had to paste this scripture on my wall, if you have to also, by all means. Knowing that I’m not alone in a bubble of temptation is a relief, when I get tempted I immediately call on the Holy spirit for help and I move along with my day.
I hope these scriptures minister to you and help you even more than they have helped me.
Thank you for reading.

LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH

Growing up I always thought loving someone was enough, enough to make everything else go away, I guess that was all I needed to know then.

When I first heard “Love is not enough” from someone I was thinking I had a future with, even though our reality showed it at the time I still did not understand why this so called ‘love’ we had for each other couldn’t hold us together regardless, I had so much hurt and confusion bottled up in me for a long time, then I started to pray to God asking the ‘big’ question… “If love isn’t enough then what is remaining?”. God started to work on me thoroughly and then almost a year after I got more clarity and that is what I want to share with you today.
A few things I learnt about love …I learnt that love isn’t a good enough reason for you to marry a person because love alone doesn’t keep marriage together. A successful marriage is based on the application of knowledge, knowing and understanding God’s principles – Dr Myles Munroe. Proverbs 4:7Wisdom is the principal thing; Therefore, get wisdom. And in all your getting, get understanding. There are many things that serve as building blocks for a successful relationship and as important as they all are, these ones have been highlighted for me so I am going to shed more light on them, please feel free to add more in the comment section. · Respect · Understanding· CommunicationLove comes without a saying.

Respect The way you treat your partner and make them feel comfortable and heard in a relationship is important. It is not about being controlling or having authority over the other person but the ability to see each other as equals. Respect and value almost go hand in hand because the value you place on a thing or a person would determine your attitude and disposition towards it. Same applies to your partner, the value you place on your partner would determine how you are going to treat them. A few ways to show respect is by valuing each other’s independence, being honest, respecting each other’s feelings, boundaries and space, boosting each other’s confidence, compromising and supporting one another. For you to be able to respect and value your partner you must understand self respect and put value on yourself first, been aware that you deserve respect and choosing to build your own self confidence, self love and self awareness first. This will help you know what to give and how to demand what you want to receive.
Understanding Having the patience to study and understand the way your partner acts and why they do what they do, their wants, needs and desires can help build a stronger relationship not just with your partner but also with yourself, you have to know what you want so you can make it easier for your partner to satisfy and understand you better. Communication is key in understanding, most especially listening, both the spoken and unspoken words. It takes deliberate effort to choose to see things from your partner’s perspective because you both aren’t always going to be seeing things from the same perspective. Understanding births compassion and perseverance for your partner because of the awareness and the knowledge you have of them.

CommunicationIn relationships especially two independent individuals that have lived and handled life their own way for the longest time, it can be difficult learning to share and depend on one’s partner and this can begin to drive an invisible wedge and distance. It is definitely going to take a conscious effort to seek the opinion of your partner, carry them along on the decisions you make and also share the challenges and struggles you both might be facing and learning to find solutions together. It is okay to be vulnerable with your partner as long as you don’t loose yourself in the process. There should be no wall or pretence when communicating your needs, likes and dislikes and not assuming the other person should be able to catch up. There is a sense of belonging and importance that comes with your partner carrying you along and valuing your input in their lives. Communication is important because it helps build a healthy relationship based on honesty, trust and empathy.

When God started to reveal these truth to me, it changed my orientation about love and relationship, I pray you learn some life changing lessons from this series. Thank you for reading.

TIPS TO SECURE YOUR FUTURE FINANCIALLY

Financial security is one of the goals of every successful and serious minded adult, among other things, it is one of the bedrocks of a good life and everyone aspires to be financially secure. As we go about setting goals for various areas of our lives, we should not neglect working towards financial security.I discussed over a manicure with one of my plus size queens and wealth adviser, Tomilola Olotu and we had a chat about some key moves everyone must take to secure their future financially. These actions are not only relevant to us as individuals but also caters for generations to come.

1. INVEST YOUR MONEYDon’t leave idle cash in your bank account. Outside of your emergency funds, any money that you do not need for one month and above can be invested in a financial instrument that will yield returns. The goal here is to ensure that your money works for you.There are various financial instruments you can take advantage of e.g. Treasury Bills, Bonds, Commercial Papers, Stocks etc, the key things to keep in mind are your objective, risk appetite and duration. You can invest in Mutual Funds if you are not too comfortable investing as an individual. Mutual Funds are collective investment schemes (i.e. a Fund Manager pools money together from a group of investors and invests on their behalf). The benefits of a Mutual Fund are competitive returns, liquidity, professional fund management and diversification among others. A Money Market Mutual Fund is a great place to start for beginner investors as this is a low risk Fund.Other types of investments include: real estate, commodities like metals, energy, businesses etc,
2. EMERGENCY SAVINGS FUNDSLike the name suggests, emergency savings funds come in handy when you have an unexpected occurrence. The size of your emergency funds can range from three months to one year of your monthly salary, it is advisable that these funds be in cash or very near cash instruments i.e. 30 to 60 day fixed deposits. Liquidity should be key for your emergency savings funds as things can happen unexpectedly and the whole point of having these funds set aside is to be prepared for such times.
3. HAVE A BUDGETTo secure your future financially, you should have a budget in place and also have short, medium and long term financial goals. The purpose of budgeting is to ensure proper allocation of your income and resources, clarity for decision making and also to measure your performance in terms of accountability and accomplishment of your goals. You can decide to have a financial accountability partner who you can trust with your information and budget plan, this will help keep you in focus and accountable.
4. INVEST IN A BUSINESSIf you don’t have the flair for entrepreneurship but want an opportunity to earn returns from companies, you can become a venture capitalist. A venture capitalist is someone who provides capital either to a startup or small companies that are looking to expand and need financing. Venture capitalists can earn huge returns if these companies are a success but also face a risk of losing funds if their pick of companies do not make the expected returns.Becoming a venture capitalist is more of a long term plan as it requires that you have adequate finances to fund a startup or small company. Things to consider as a venture capitalist are looking out for businesses with a strong management team, great competitive advantage, sizable potential market and unique product or service offering.
5. PAY BACK PLANSome of your goals i.e. buying a house, investing in real estate, starting a business might require taking a loan. Loans are not the enemy, taking a loan without doing adequate research and not having an effective pay back plan is what can spring up trouble. Before you take a loan, some questions to ask yourself are: How much principal am I able to contribute?, How long do I need to take this loan for? Will my income be sufficient to meet the monthly payments without putting a heavy constraint on the rest of my expenses?, If my main source of income goes away, do I have a back-up plan to finance this loan? These questions should lead you to do a proper accounting of your income versus your expenses and help in setting up an effective pay back plan if you choose to go ahead with taking a loan. For small businesses, there are other options for funding i.e. grants (from private and government bodies), institutions both locally and internationally that help fund businesses at a more affordable rate.
6. PLAN FOR THE NEXT GENERATIONYou are never too young to start putting plans in place to take care of your next generation. If you are planning to have a family and have children, it is important to start saving some funds for that purpose so when the time comes the money would have accumulated substantially. When investing, you can be intentional and create a children’s account either for education or expenses.Another good plan for the future is putting a will in place. There is a lot in stigma attached to having wills especially here in Africa, the general assumption is that preparing a will is like preparing to die. On the contrary, preparing a will is the responsible thing to do so that the people you love and care about the most do not have to suffer in case of any incident. Some Trustee companies have a simple will service that cover the balances in your pension and bank account. This is especially helpful to individuals who work a 9 to 5 job. The alternative to having a will is that when someone passes on, the beneficiary has to obtain a letter of administration (LOA) from the court. This can be an extremely tedious and emotionally draining process, also, there is no sure way to guarantee that the rightful beneficiary is the one that will apply for an LOA. Having a will in place will surely give you peace of mind and is more cost effective than getting an LOA.

I hope you have learnt from these tips to manage your money and secure you and your generations to come because I have.
If you need more financial advice Tomi is willing to help, you can send her a mail @ttolotu@gmail.com.

Thank you for reading.