Growing up I always thought loving someone was enough, enough to make everything else go away, I guess that was all I needed to know then.
When I first heard “Love is not enough” from someone I was thinking I had a future with, even though our reality showed it at the time I still did not understand why this so called ‘love’ we had for each other couldn’t hold us together regardless, I had so much hurt and confusion bottled up in me for a long time, then I started to pray to God asking the ‘big’ question… “If love isn’t enough then what is remaining?”. God started to work on me thoroughly and then almost a year after I got more clarity and that is what I want to share with you today.
A few things I learnt about love …I learnt that love isn’t a good enough reason for you to marry a person because love alone doesn’t keep marriage together. A successful marriage is based on the application of knowledge, knowing and understanding God’s principles – Dr Myles Munroe. Proverbs 4:7Wisdom is the principal thing; Therefore, get wisdom. And in all your getting, get understanding. There are many things that serve as building blocks for a successful relationship and as important as they all are, these ones have been highlighted for me so I am going to shed more light on them, please feel free to add more in the comment section. · Respect · Understanding· CommunicationLove comes without a saying.
Respect The way you treat your partner and make them feel comfortable and heard in a relationship is important. It is not about being controlling or having authority over the other person but the ability to see each other as equals. Respect and value almost go hand in hand because the value you place on a thing or a person would determine your attitude and disposition towards it. Same applies to your partner, the value you place on your partner would determine how you are going to treat them. A few ways to show respect is by valuing each other’s independence, being honest, respecting each other’s feelings, boundaries and space, boosting each other’s confidence, compromising and supporting one another. For you to be able to respect and value your partner you must understand self respect and put value on yourself first, been aware that you deserve respect and choosing to build your own self confidence, self love and self awareness first. This will help you know what to give and how to demand what you want to receive.
Understanding Having the patience to study and understand the way your partner acts and why they do what they do, their wants, needs and desires can help build a stronger relationship not just with your partner but also with yourself, you have to know what you want so you can make it easier for your partner to satisfy and understand you better. Communication is key in understanding, most especially listening, both the spoken and unspoken words. It takes deliberate effort to choose to see things from your partner’s perspective because you both aren’t always going to be seeing things from the same perspective. Understanding births compassion and perseverance for your partner because of the awareness and the knowledge you have of them.
CommunicationIn relationships especially two independent individuals that have lived and handled life their own way for the longest time, it can be difficult learning to share and depend on one’s partner and this can begin to drive an invisible wedge and distance. It is definitely going to take a conscious effort to seek the opinion of your partner, carry them along on the decisions you make and also share the challenges and struggles you both might be facing and learning to find solutions together. It is okay to be vulnerable with your partner as long as you don’t loose yourself in the process. There should be no wall or pretence when communicating your needs, likes and dislikes and not assuming the other person should be able to catch up. There is a sense of belonging and importance that comes with your partner carrying you along and valuing your input in their lives. Communication is important because it helps build a healthy relationship based on honesty, trust and empathy.
When God started to reveal these truth to me, it changed my orientation about love and relationship, I pray you learn some life changing lessons from this series. Thank you for reading.